


Remember Me

by CatelynTsukino



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alzheimer's Disease, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet Ending, Dementia, Dyslexic Jaime Lannister, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Gen, Growing Old Together, Old Married Couple, POV Brienne of Tarth, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29188149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatelynTsukino/pseuds/CatelynTsukino
Summary: “I love you, Brienne”, he murmurs against her lips. “More than anyone I’ve ever loved and I ever will. Please, don’t forget that, even if I do.”Jaime dies at the age of 98, in his beloved wife’s arms, surrounded by his ten kids with her. It’s beautiful.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth, Sansa Stark & Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 54
Kudos: 103





	Remember Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by Nikolaj Coster-Wadau's speech of how he wanted Jaime to die, and by what I've heard and witnessed from a few of my patients and their families.  
> The story begin in year 354 AC. It's been around 50 years since the Long Night and since Jaime and Brienne have married. They live in Tarth. Who rules Westeros? No idea. Is there still a Wall standing? No idea either. It's not important.  
> Jaime begins the story at age of 88, while Brienne is 74 (I used book birth years and age gap).  
> EDIT: as some people mentioned it in the reviews, let me confirm it for y'all: yes, this fic is titled after the song 'Remember Me' from 'Coco'!

It begins one night, right after they make love. He rolls off her, smirks and asks, "Was it all my wench dreamed of for her first time?"

Her head turns to his direction abruptly. "What are you talking about, Jaime? We've been doing this for decades." For fifty years, actually, give or take. She let him into her bed and gave him her maidenhead before marriage was even on the horizon; with the end of the world looming over them, there was little room for wedding ceremonies, and neither of them wanted to wait.

He frowns, blinks and shakes his head. "Of course, of course. I was just teasing you, my love."

It didn't sound much like teasing, but she chuckles and lets it slide as they hold each other to sleep.

* * *

The next time happens a month later. They are dining with their children who still live with them in Evenfall, and she begins to cut his meat for him, as usual. Suddenly, he straightens up and places his hand on top of hers. "Roose Bolton will come back anytime soon, wench", he whispers.

He blinks at him, taken aback. "Jaime", she whispers back, "we're not in Harrenhal." _Roose Bolton is long dead_. She'd know; she saw his funeral pyre.

Once again, he frowns, blinks and shakes his head. "Of course we're not. This is Tarth, isn't it?"

She nods slowly. He smiles, thanks her for cutting his meat, and proceeds to eat as if nothing had happened. Their children look at them with confused expressions, but she waves it off silently. Jaime doesn't notice that exchange, absorbed as he is in his food.

* * *

The thing is, injuries aside, she and her husband have always been healthy—proof of it is that, even when they are in their 70s-80s, they still had sex every other day, and sparred together at least once a sennight, and still traveled around to visit friends and family.

So, on the third time it happens, she can't wave it off.

She had just woken up; the first rays of sunlight entering their chambers. They had not made love the night before, because Jaime claimed to be too tired for more than kisses and cuddles—an oddity in itself; her husband was _famous_ across Tarth for never getting enough of his Evenstar, even in old age. Their ten children were visual evidence of his perpetual desire for her. As such, his claims of exhaustion worry her. It's not like he did anything particularly taxing that day.

Still, she turns her head to look at her beloved husband. Jaime's hair and beard has gone completely grey by now, and his face is wrinkled all over, but he's still the most handsome man she's ever seen. His stump's scars faded over the decades, after he finally got rid of that useless golden hand; that, combined with Brienne's patient repetition that she loved every single part of him, made him hate it less and less—though he always claimed to have never regretted it, and would lose the other hand to defend her without a second thought if it ever came to be. Fortunately, their last real fight was the Long Night fifty years ago, so she never really had to fear he'd sacrifice himself for her again.

After a while, he stirs and turns his head to her. She smiles and motions to kiss him good morning, but he sits up abruptly, wide-eyed. "I'm sorry, my lady", he says quietly. "I should have slipped away before sunrise."

She sits up to look him straight in the eye. "Jaime", she calls him, equally quiet. "What are you talking about?"

He doesn't even hesitate. "I understand you'd not want to soil yourself with me", he replies, sounding dejected. "People already call you 'Kingslayer's Whore' without us laying together. As much as I loved last night, I'd never wish to dishonor you."

She's taken back to the morning after their first time together. In her sleep, she had held him tightly, stopping him from slipping out of her bed. Though not with the exact same words, he had also apologized for 'dishonoring' her—as if she had not wanted him as badly as he wanted her. It had taken another round of lovemaking to convince him she was not at all ashamed of him, and that she'd not force him to love her in the shadows like he had to do with Cersei.

Her heart breaks, as it did back then, but for entirely different reasons. She cups his left cheek. "Jaime, we've been married for fifty years", she reminds him. "There is nothing to hide about our love."

His eyes shine, just like they did back then, and he blinks. Suddenly, his expression changes to something more relaxed. "Of course, of course. I… Must we get up now? I could use some more sleep."

"We don't have to get up, no", she replies, "but we have to _talk_. Jaime, my love, this is the third time you forget our married life. What is going on?"

He blinks. "Is it?"

She nods. "Three months ago, you rolled off me after sex and asked if I had enjoyed my _first time_. Then, a month later, you thought we were back in _Harrenhal_ while we were having dinner with our family. And now you wanted to slip out of _our marital chambers_ because you feared to soil my name, even though this whole island knows how happy and in love we are."

He hangs his head low, so she can't see his reaction. When he raises his gaze back to hers, he looks troubled. "I remember, now that you've mentioned it, but I don't know, Brienne. I don't think this has ever happened before."

"I've never noticed", she agrees, "not until recently. Are you… stressed out? Having nightmares?"

He shakes his head. "Life's never been calmer for me, and my last nightmare was… over three years ago, I think." His furrows his brow. "Should I see the maester?"

"I don't know", she replies sincerely. "Perhaps this is a… phase, or something. Let's not worry much about it for now."

He nods obediently. As he grew older, Jaime took to follow her suggestions more and more, in a display of trust that still surprises her, sometimes. Their first years of marriage were marked with disagreements and even a few fights due to their divergence of opinions. Now, though, he is very agreeable, and not in a way that feels forced. Sometimes, she feels like he's trusting his life in her hands more and more.

"Well, then", he says, "let's lie back down. We have a couple hours to ourselves still, don't we?"

His grin tells her he's fully back to normal, and his actions as they fall back into bed confirm it. _Perhaps it is truly just a phase_ , she thinks, full of hope.

* * *

The year passes by and, although it doesn't happen very often, it becomes clear it is _not_ just a phase.

Most times are passing moments of forgetfulness. Sometimes, he struggles to tell the difference between their kids—which would not be concerning if he mistook a twin for another, as is the case for Joanna/Arianne and Galladon/Podrick, but no. Once he confused Catelyn, their firstborn and a perfect mix of her parents, with Elissa, who is seven years younger and Cersei's splitting image. Another time it was Gal for Arthur, and they also look extremely different from one another.

Other times, he seems to forget where they are. Once, he went to the yards and momentarily thought they were sparring in Winterfell, just before their first battle against the Others. Then, on another time, they were on the beach and he thought himself back in Casterly Rock—granted, they spent some years of their marriage there, when Tyrion died without issue and Galladon needed his parents' guidance to take over the Rock. And there was also the time he woke up thinking they were in the inn where they spent the night after the Lady Stoneheart incident.

He forgot they were already married a couple other times, but, so far, he has yet to forget he loves her. Even when his mind goes back to a time when neither were aware of the other's feelings, he always looks at her with the same awe and adoration he's long ceased to hide when it comes to her. It's a comfort, at least.

However, those episodes make it impossible to ignore the fact that Jaime is growing more forgetful as time goes by. At the end of the year, they contact their maester—who is not their youngest child Selwyn, unfortunately, for Sel works as maester in Estermont's castle Greenstone—to explain what has been going on with him.

After a day of thinking and researching, Maester Denys comes with an answer. "I've seen some… cases at the Citadel", he says. "Most were men and women who lived their entire lives in the city or in farms, and were lucky enough to live past sixty. It is uncommon in former soldiers… but I'd argue it's because most former soldiers don't make it to nearly ninety years old."

"What is it?", she asks.

"The archmaesters call it… dementia. It's a—an illness of the mind, which… deteriorates. Some lose memories, others lose inhibitions, others lose functional abilities… depending on how long they live with this illness, they end up losing all of it. If they lose enough memories… they lose their sense of self. Some revert back to nearly childlike states."

At her side, Jaime gulps. "Is there any way to stop this… illness?"

"Not that I know of, my lord. The archmaesters advise to keep one's mind sharp with reading, but most of our patients were illiterate, so I never really saw if it made a difference."

Jaime bites his lip and hangs his head low. For all of his life, her husband struggled with reading. He'd claim the letters and words would 'dance' around the paper, confusing him. Maester Denys is aware of this, which is probably why he delivers the news in such a pessimistic way.

When it's clear he won't reply, she does it for him. "Thank you for your assistance, Maester."

"It's nothing", he replies sincerely. "I'll help you in whatever way I can. I'll write to the Citadel and see if they have any more advice on the matter."

"We'd be grateful."

* * *

Jaime says nothing over dinner and heads silently to their chambers. Only there he allows his tears to come. She holds him tightly, caressing his hair and murmuring soft words of comfort.

"I don't want to forget you", he cries. "I can't forget the single best thing that's ever happened to me."

She kisses his temple. Only her husband would find a way to make love declarations in a situation like this. It's frankly adorable. "You won't", she assures him, even though she should not tempt fate. "And if you do, I'll be right beside you to remind you that you have a wife who loves you very, very much."

He buries his face in her chest, pushing her breast aside. His voice comes muffled, "Will you still love me if I forget you?"

"Of course, Jaime. How can you think otherwise?"

"If I forget you, I'll turn back into Cersei's dog. Kingslayer, man without honor… all the things you never liked about me."

She grabs his chin and, delicately, lifts it up so she can look into his eyes. "You were _always_ an honorable man, my love", she says firmly. "It may have stayed buried down for some years, but it was always there." She doesn't reply to the 'Cersei's dog' part, because she truly has no idea of how she will react if it comes to that. "You're getting ahead of yourself, Jaime. Let's enjoy our time together, as we always do."

He props himself up and kisses her on the lips. "I love you, Brienne", he murmurs against her lips. "More than anyone I've ever loved and I ever will. _Please_ , don't forget that, even if _I_ do."

She smiles and kisses him back. "I promise you, I won't. And you know I keep my promises well."

It seems to soothe him, for he settles his head back between her breasts. They fall asleep like this, entangled with each other, similarly to how they used to during the Long Night.

It is no big surprise, then, when he wakes up thinking himself back in that time.

* * *

For the next two years, nothing changes much. Jaime keeps forgetting things like namedays and appointments, mistaking people's names and faces, and thinking himself to be in another place and time. It happens more often as time passes, but not to the point he cannot function.

Then, in the fourth year, he asks her for help to change clothes. She startles at that; even when he lost his hand, dressing has never been much of an issue for him. He'd need help for his armor, but then again, most people did, even with two hands. "What are you having trouble with?", she asks softly.

His back is turned to her, so she can only guess the expression on his face as he replies, voice full of frustration, "I don't know. I can't seem to be able to untie this shirt, and my hand was all… wrong, when I tried to take my boots off."

She goes around the bed and stops in front of him. He looks as irritated as he sounds, but there is a glimpse of fear in his eyes. _Some lose functional abilities_ , Maester Denys said back then; it's that what he's thinking of?

"Let me help you", she offers softly. Slowly, she unties his boots and shirt. Usually, she does this when they are about to make love, but today is clearly not the case; Jaime looks exhausted, despite having spent the day indoors. Fortunately, he doesn't struggle to put his sleep clothes on, but the episode hangs between them when they lie down—a warning that his condition is bound to get worse.

* * *

His energy for sparring decreases day by day, until his shoulder hurts at the very motion of lifting a sword. He sheds tears in the armory, and she hugs him for two whole hours.

By then, their children are all aware of what is going on. Cat offered to take over her role as Evenstar earlier than usual so she can 'focus on taking care of Father', while Arthur busies himself entertaining all their grandkids when Jaime has an episode in front of them. Arianne, their daughter and septa, helps her brother with the task and commits to pray for his health twice a day.

Alysanne, who's lived in Starfall since her wedding, comes for a visit, bringing her own children—four in total—along. For a whole hour, Jaime struggles to remember her, which nearly drives her to tears until Arthur pulls her aside and explains their father's condition.

 _Dementia_. Putting a name on it makes it even more terrifying. _Dementia_ sounds like a fatal disease, fated to spread and take over its carrier. Her husband is losing important memories, and now is growing unable to perform some tasks.

* * *

She remembers the fifth year as the one they make love for the last time. It is a night like any other, but something inside her tells her to make the best of it. At the time, she did not know why, but she followed her intuition anyway. Jaime makes her come thrice and comes himself twice, collapsing above her after the second time and falling asleep immediately after.

Then, when she tries to get him to lay with her a fortnight later, he doesn't have energy to go all the way. A month later, he tires before reaching her lower body, and from then on he doesn't go further than her breasts when they lay together. When _she_ tries to pleasure _him_ , he barely lasts before collapsing, and she stops doing it when he all but faints after reaching his orgasm.

"I'm sorry", he apologizes one night, completely lucid and aware of his declining energy.

"Don't be", she replies softly. "This is more than most married couples get their entire lives."

And it's the plain truth. Even their children did not always get lucky to marry for love like they did, though some grew to love their spouses anyway—like Cat, Gal and Joanna, who wedded to straighten their family's alliances but nowadays look perfectly happy in their marriages. Pod and Alys are friendly with their spouses, but, as far as she knows, never fell in love with them. Elissa did marry for love—a Bravoosi she found gods know how, for she never really disclosed their story—but he left her with their twins when said love faded.

Brienne's love for her husband never faded, only grew stronger, and she knows the same can be said of his love for her.

"But not nearly as much as you deserve", he mumbles back.

"I deserve to be with the man I love in whatever way we can be together", she replies, not missing a beat. "Having you close, touching you, kissing you… all of this is _love_ , Jaime, and I wouldn't trade it for anything else. Do you understand?"

He looks at her in awe, as if seeing her for the first time, and for a moment she worries he's gone forgetful again. But no. "Yes, my lady wife." And he kisses her.

* * *

In the sixth year, she tearfully sends Elissa to Casterly Rock.

By now, Jaime forgets his grandchildren's existence more than he remembers, and he often mistakes their kids, but now he's taken to confuse Elissa with his long dead twin. It's often not pretty. Their daughter endured months of being called 'queen of whores', a 'vile woman' and a 'monster' before they decided it'd be best if she left Tarth.

"And this is because he still has memories of when he realized Cersei's true nature", she warns her. "I fear how he might react if he forgets it too, and only remembers her as his lover."

Elissa shudders, and agrees to move out without a second thought. Her brothers Galladon and Gerion come to fetch her and see their father.

Upon hearing their names, Jaime doesn't remember his sons at first. "Is my uncle back from Essos?", he asks, and then, "I thought you had said your brother died as a child, wench."

She wished she could leave him to bathe and go herself greet her sons and warn them of their father's condition, but it's been months since Jaime has last been able to take a bath all by himself. Now he struggles in a way akin to how he did in Harrenhal, when he was half-delirious and feverish. No wonder he often wanders back to the fateful day, sometimes spilling the story of Aerys all over again.

Even so, he has yet to forget their love. Even as he talks about Aerys if it was his first time, he always says something along the lines of, "Please believe me, wench. I cannot bear the thought that the woman I love despises me." She always reassures him, of course, whether with words or kisses. She tries her best to show her love for him through her care; it seems to work most of the time.

Once, he forgot his perpetual tiredness and tried to have her in the baths. She had to summon all her strength to hold him tight and prevent him from slipping and drowning, but his attempt was still sweet.

Jaime manages to correctly remember who Gal, Gerion and Elissa are just before they depart. The trio's expressions of relief warm her heart. If this is the last time they see their father, at least their memory of it will be good.

* * *

At the beginning of the seventh year, he begins to walk with a cane, and they move to a room downstairs after he nearly misses a step. At the end of it, he needs a wheelchair to leave the castle, even if it's for the yards.

He thinks his grandchildren and great-grandchildren are random Tarth kids who hang around Evenfall. He tells them stories of his and Brienne's past in varied degrees of verisimilitude. The kids love it, and it brings relief to everyone around them.

Those, of course, are the good days. The bad days are the ones he struggles to get out of bed and starts to choke when he eats meat or chicken. It doesn't happen as often with fish, and not at all with soap, so she asks the kitchen staff to make separate meals for them two—because she doesn't want him to feel left out, so she decides to always eat the same food he does.

By now, Cat is the Evenstar in all but name, although Brienne seriously considers making it official. It's not the local tradition, of course, but neither was having a female Evenstar. There is no one in the castle who wouldn't support her decision, and she has a feeling most of her people know enough about Jaime's condition to understand it.

She still doesn't do it now, though. The thought feels her with a finality she doesn't like. An irrational thought bugs her mind: that, by passing her mantle to Cat, Jaime's health will deteriorate further.

As if there is anything they can do to stop it.

* * *

The eight year is when he has moments in which he forgets his mother is gone.

It's happened before, with Cersei, Tyrion, Tywin and many other relatives, but it never went so far back. Joanna was the first kin Jaime lost, back when he was a child of seven, so it's really worrisome when he reverts to his child self, looking desperately for his mother.

(At least Elissa is no longer there. Jaime said once, several years ago—when neither of them could ever imagine he'd be plagued with this condition—that their daughter resembled not only his sister, but his mother as well.)

Sitting on his wheelchair, he grabs a doll given by his oldest great-grandchild and begins to call for his mother. As she approaches him, she's overcome by the fear that this is finally the moment when he forgets her.

But no. The moment he looks up at her, he smiles. "Oh, wench, you're here. I was looking for Mother, but you serve just fine."

He promptly forgets what he wanted his mother for, but she grabs a chair and sits by his side, holding his hand. It's not that bad.

* * *

In the middle of the ninth year, he no longer gets up from bed.

It was a slow process, so she was not surprised when he tried and failed to sit up. She almost wished he wasn't lucid that day—lucid days were getting rarer and rarer—for he cried in frustration. "Don't worry, my love", she whispers to him. "It just means I'll spoil you rotten."

He still cries a bit longer, but he kisses her scarred cheek. "I love you", he whispers back.

This is the day she makes Cat's status as Evenstar official. There is no use denying it any longer, especially now that she plans to stay most of her time in their chambers. Not _all_ the time, though; she switches with Arianne, Arthur, Pod and their wives—Shireen Storm and Melara Westerling, respectively—as often as possible.

(Not as often as she probably should, though, but she can't help it. She stopped giving shifts to Ari when he mistook her for Septa Roelle—who he only met once—and shouted at her until she was in tears.)

It's a hard year for everyone. He sleeps less and less at night and more and more during the day; she tries to follow his sleep schedule, but she's old too, so she can't always keep up. Funnily enough—even when he is disoriented at night, he always seems to realize she's there, awake, and often cuddles her to sleep, even if he lies awake afterwards. It makes her want to cry.

Eating gets harder too. He's no longer able to eat fish, so they stick to rice, fruit and soup. She feeds him slowly, channeling all her patience when he refuses to eat the necessary amount—only to forget he just ate and complain of being hungry.

It's also the year he has episodes of peeing during sleep, and, on rare occasions, shitting himself in bed. Maester Denys finds a special piece of cloth he calls 'diaper', made specifically for this kind of problem. She has Jaime use it all the time, even if most days he still asks to be carried to the privy.

She's strong still, but not enough to carry him all by herself, Cat's husband, Jon Estermont, is the one who usually helps her, though Arthur and Pod fill up the task every now and then. Everyone helps in one way or another. She reads for him at night in an attempt to lull him to sleep. It works half of the time, which is great because it means she will be able to sleep with him. She misses being together in this way—just sharing a bed, embraced by the darkness of sleep.

Once, she is reading to him when he suddenly snarls, "Look who's here. Brienne the Beauty." His tone is so rude, she all but jumps from the chair, and the book falls on her lap. Then he smiles softly. " _My_ beauty. All mine."

Warmth fills her insides as relief washes over her.

(She wonders which Brienne he sees at these moments: the one he met at Lady Stark's side, who dragged him around the riverlands? The one he rescued from a bear? The one he gave Oathkeeper to? The one who led him to Stoneheart, risking his trust in the process? The one he fought alongside with in the Long Night? The one he married? Some pregnant version of her? So many Briennes… and, it seems, he loves each one of them.)

* * *

In the tenth year, all of their children come to Tarth, answering her summons.

Selwyn is the first to arrive, as he lives the nearest out of them all, in Estermont. Next comes Gal, Gerion and Elissa—who dyes her hair blue, in hopes Jaime won't be reminded of Cersei. Then, almost at the same time, Alysanne comes from Starfall, and Joanna comes from Winterfell, bringing Sansa along.

"I heard what's been going on", her friend and former liege lady says, hugging her. "I came to help in whatever way I can."

Jaime doesn't recognize her at first, then mistakes her for her mother, until, days later, he guesses her name right.

None of them are in a hurry to leave; Maester Denys claims Jaime is likely to die at any moment, and Brienne feels in her bones there won't be an eleventh year for him.

He's gotten worse and worse. He goes several days without a single nap, only to sleep for a whole day straight. He doesn't tolerate anything other than soup, milk, juice and water—she avoids giving him wine, even when he asks for it. He sometimes screams at anyone who isn't his wife who comes to look after him. Even when he remembers their children, he can't name them right anymore.

Sometimes he even forgets he had siblings or parents. Only his memory of Brienne stays, and so does the adoration in his eyes whenever he looks at her.

Several months after the children's arrival, he chokes on the soup. Arthur saves him from choking to death, but, a few days later, pneumonia sets in. _It's time_ , she thinks.

* * *

He's half-sitting on the bed when he says, between coughs, "Brienne, I'm cold."

She's sitting beside him, reading in silence—he did not like the story when she began to read out loud. She puts the book aside and hugs him. "What do you want from me?"

"May you take me to the fire at the hall?"

He sounds lucid for the first time in a year. She has to fight an urge to cry. "Let me call for help."

Gal is the first to answer her call, and together they put Jaime in the wheelchair and lead him to the hall. She sits on the floor, by his side, but he shakes his head. "In your arms, wench."

 _Oh_. She still remembers, from their many talks, what he told her. _I want one day to die in the arms of the woman I love_. It was even part of his proposal speech.

He knows his time is coming, and wants to spend his last moments being held by her. She won't deny him that.

Gal helps her and, on her orders, goes to fetch his siblings. Soon, the couple is surrounded by their ten children and a few of their spouses. She sees Sansa in a corner, watching.

"Wench", he calls her after a coughing fit. She looks down and is met by his shining eyes. "Our fighting days are over, right?" She nods. "Will you marry me then, my love?"

Holding back a sob, she lowers her head to kiss his lips. He doesn't kiss back, but his eyes are still open. "Of course, Jaime. I love you." She no longer feels his chest rising. "Always."

His eyes are closed. Finally, she lets herself cry and sob, holding him tight for one last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Braime's children:  
> \- Catelyn (49-59), who lives in Tarth as Brienne's heir;  
> \- Galladon and Podrick (48-58), who live in Casterly Rock and Tarth, respectively;  
> \- Arthur (46-56), who lives in Tarth;  
> \- Joanna and Arianne (44-54), who live in Winterfell and Tarth, respectively;  
> \- Elissa (42-52), who lived in Tarth and moved to Casterly Rock;  
> \- Alysanne (39-49), who lives in Starfall;  
> \- Gerion (37-47), who lives in Casterly Rock;  
> \- Selwyn (34-44), who lives in Estermont.
> 
> I know this was not a 100% accurate portrayal of dementia/Alzheimer's, but I could not bring myself to make this even sadder by having Jaime forget Brienne—even though he likely would in his final stages, given he only met her in his mid-30s.  
> I hope you enjoyed it! Reviews make me smile <3


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